Hello Therapists: As Time Has Passed, I Have Found The Adaptation To Life In UK To Be A Huge Challenge...

Hello Therapists,

I have just immigrated to the UK about a year and a half ago, and I had high hopes for the immigration experience. However, as time has passed, I have found the adaptation to life here to be a huge challenge. I was originally a surveyor, and before immigrating, I thought I would be able to easily find a job that suits my skills and qualifications. But the reality is very different from my expectations.

Although I have tried my best to look for jobs and have the relevant qualifications, I am still finding it very difficult to find a job that meets my expectations and allows me to fully utilise my professional knowledge. I am currently working in an administrative role at a surveying company. I have encountered many obstacles, such as unfamiliarity with the language, different workplace culture, and a lack of colleagues that I can easily connect with like before.

The current situation is very different from the responsibilities and development opportunities that I had anticipated before moving here. This has had a significant negative impact on my overall sense of well-being, leaving me feeling very disappointed and lacking in self-confidence. I even feel too intimidated to attend my daughter's school parent-teacher meetings, which has also caused tensions with my wife. All of this has affected my motivation for work, which is very frustrating for me as I have always been very passionate and dedicated in my career.

I feel very lost now and don't know how I should improve my work situation in order to regain a sense of fulfilment and direction in my work.

Nameless

Hello Nameless,

Thank you very much for your letter and for sharing your current experiences and emotions with us. Immigration can bring about many exciting and positive changes, but it is also an extremely challenging life transition.

From the details you mentioned in your letter, I can see that you have a great passion and goals for your work as a surveyor, but your current situation is preventing you from fully utilising your knowledge and skills. As an experienced surveyor, your current work situation must be very difficult for you to accept. Not being able to fully utilise your professional knowledge and skills must make you feel overlooked and undervalued. I can completely understand your feelings of disappointment and confusion. Adapting to a new environment, culture, and language takes a very long time. When the reality doesn't match your original expectations, feelings of disappointment and helplessness are completely normal, so don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that your current situation is only temporary, and even though your life is so difficult, you are getting through it and wait at least a year and a half before seeking advice. This has proven that you are a strong and determined person.

Your current work situation is indeed worse than you had originally imagined, and this is understandably the main factor affecting your emotions. However, we should be careful and not let the negative emotions we feel now completely define ourselves. No matter what industry you're working in now, you are still an experienced surveyor with professional knowledge and skills, and these are your valuable assets that no one can take away.

Like most people who choose to immigrate, I'm sure you hoped that immigration would bring better lives and opportunities for you and your family. This was probably the main reason and motivation behind your decision to immigrate. Whenever you feel helpless, you can try reflecting on the original purpose and motivations you had when you immigrated a year and a half ago. Review what your family's life has been like, other than your unsatisfactory work - are your children happy in school? Doing this can not only remind you of your original immigration goals, but also make you notice some of the other positive changes that immigration has brought.

In terms of work, have you considered proactively communicating with your supervisor, expressing your hope to be involved in more technical work? See if the company has any relevant training programs or job opportunities where you can showcase your skills. In the meantime, you could also research how to become a surveyor in the UK during your spare time at work. Humans are social beings, the inability to establish interpersonal relationships in your work environment must be making you feel very lonely, which is a terrible feeling. Try to focus your attention on things you can control, rather than getting too caught up in the external environmental factors that you can't change temporarily. For example, instead of focusing on how the colleagues you are working with now are different to the colleagues you worked with in the past, try joining local surveyor networking groups or online communities to improve your language skills and expand your social network. Start small, like proactively greeting or offering help to your colleagues - this may help you build relationships and also benefit your emotional state. You may also want to schedule online gatherings with your excolleuages and catch up with them and if you are ready to, you may also share your stuggles with me as well.

You don't have to force yourself to completely adapt to the new environment right away. Adaptation is a process, and learning to accept the ups and downs of this process requires time and persistent effort. But as long as you focus on the parts you can control, you can gradually change your situation and build better work relationships and life. Although you may not see obvious results immediately, by trying a little bit every day, you will gradually start to feel the improvement in your relationships and emotional well-being.

Try setting some short-term, achievable goals. For example, spend an hour a week learning English, or attend one surveyor networking event. I believe that as long as you slow down, try to approach things with a different mindset, and make step-by-step adjustments to your inner attitude, you will eventually be rewarded. There may be times when you feel disappointed and down, but during those moments, try to tell yourself, "I will overcome this difficulty step-by-step, and I believe things will get better."

Dr. Hei Chang, PsyD, CPsychol, AFBPsS

Co-founder of BHKPS

Hello Therapists is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.